Overdue

The most obvious reason that there has not been a post as of late is that I have not been on any dates lately.

In fact, this dry spell has caused my standards to plummet. I have at least 3 crushes at the moment - like a teenage girl.

'Tis the season for the year in review:

I was terribly busy with work in 2007 until I woke up one day and realized I needed a new career.

When I came home from a long summer vacation abroad in July, "it was now or never" for me. Focus on the career change took precedence over men and social life in general.

In September, all came together and I was hired, happy, and high strung. I had to learn everything I need to know about my new job for the next two months.

As that training period comes to a close, I realize that I'm single and ready to mingle again.

Another reason that there haven't been any posts is that my partners in this blog have drifted.

Cut & Dry finally found "the one" via J-date. She's engaged and I'm sooooooooo happy for her. They are a perfect match! They will laugh their way into old age together.

CC had a moment of clarity this year and moved backed to Chicago to start a new career. She's very happy there, but we miss her terribly in NYC.

My City Socialites, Gold Digger & Beauty Addict, are in serious relationships in '07. They may have forgotten the L word of the old... LUST... and taken on a new... LUVA.

All in all, it's been a great year of change, crossroads, closing doors, open doors, accomplishments, and action.

Sexy Back

I just saw the former object of my infatuation and realized that my new guy is soooooooooo much better than he is. I am so much better than he is.

It makes me wonder if my new infatuation is worthy of my affections. Probably not, but I'm having fun either way ;)

Unlucky Charmer

At the celebration of my girl friend's engagement (to a successful handsome foreign gentleman in his early 30s) last week, my latest story was about to take shape.

Arriving early at 212, a stylish Upper East Side restaurant, I sat at the bar sipping a Watermelon Martini when a group of good-looking foreign men in suits walked in. I just knew we were going to be part of the same party, but I decided not to forewarn them until after I observed them for a bit.

The tall, dark, and handsome Charmer started some conversation with me and I decided that he'd be the character in my next tale. We had cocktails together and sat across from each other during dinner, all the while engaging in a flirtatious conversation which included the exchange of contact information.

I took a quick (nonchalant) glance at his business card and was delighted to know that I made the right pick tonight. Not only was he attractive, well dressed, charming, and charismatic... he's an MD at a major hedge fund!

Our main course arrived when I started conversation with the parents of the bride-to-be. Her mother leaned over and whispered "Be careful. He's married."

My luck!

I was having a good time and didn't mention anything to him that night. I'd be lying to say that I wanted to know the truth. A confirmation from him would ruin the entire imaginary story that I was only beginning to contrive.

The next day I read the numerous text messages he had sent to me... very flirty... very charming... very dangerous!

I couldn't drag this on any further. He requested to meet up with me again, so I asked point-blank if he was married (via text) and he attested.

He then explained that his marriage had no relevance to our simple "meeting" and that he genuinely thought our conversation was great.

Was I reading him wrong and assuming he was interested in me sexually when he actually just wanted another friend?

After reviewing the dozen or so text messages which, without going into detail, included the words - sexy, lips, smile, etc. I decided that I was not imagining this.

Don't date him New York!

Just friends?

I've been hanging out with this one guy for a little while (without hooking up) and the other night we went back to my apartment after going as dates to an event. It was pretty late and he doesn't live that close, so I asked if he wanted to spend the night.

He declined!!!

Rock, Paper, Scissors

Today I randomly ran into this BOY, that I made out with a couple of times, during the severe thunderstorm.

We commuted home together and when it was time for him to go home (before me) he gave me the homeboy fist in lieu of a kiss on the cheek goodbye!!!

I stared and made a "wtf" face but then I succumbed and did the fist (pound) back to him.

Later (with my Monday Morning Quarterback - 20/20 Hindsight Vision) I thought it would have been great if I did the "paper" move in Rock, Paper, Scissors and swallowed his scrawny fist!!!

Virtual Relationship

Last weekend, my out-of-town friend put things into perspective for me when I realized that the last time he came and hung out with me in NY was in January.

During that visit, a good-looking guy approached me and we exchanged numbers.

Since then, we've sent each other a multitude of text messages (while sober & drunk, during the day & late-night hours) and had a few (very few) phone calls.

Some time, a few weeks after our initial meeting, I became fed up with all the last-minute failed-attempts to meet up and told him that we could either make plans and stick to them OR let's forget this whole thing.

So we planned a date and when the day came, we both bailed out on the plans.
He was sick and I was busy with work (or vice versa!)

We were back to the text routine... but like granny's teeth, there were few and far between.

Another few weeks passed and I finally decided to show up to a last minute invite... I got to the bar and realized that I have no idea what he looks like!!! He didn't send an immediate reply when I inquired about his whereabouts, so I left the awful hellhole he had chosen!

It didn't matter to me any more if we ever hung out, because talking about this absurd situation became quite more amusing to me than the possibility of a love connection.

At 5:00 am, a few mornings ago - this being July (7 months after we met), he left me a voicemail saying how it was really annoying that we haven't hung out yet after all this time!!!

So many men...

In the past 2 weeks, since my weekend in the Hampton's, I've met more guys than I can count!
Unfortunately, I would probably not date any of them

BUT I don't have a really good story behind it either.

• After hours of open bar at the Reuters ReMix ReDux party in the Nasdaq building, I was off for some more fun.
  There he was at the Sports Bar - the 6'10 guy (leave it to me to hang out with the tallest guy in the room) that was a combination of a few guys. He was kind of shy like the Boob Crusher. He lived in Spain like Barcelona. He was young. He was adorable. He plays professional basketball. He was going back to Spain in a few days. Adios!
  
  
• Then there were these two guys I met at a Rooftop Bar. They were friends and I couldn't tell which one was interested. One of them resembled Big Bird and was chatting with my other girl friends too. The other one bragged about his house in the Hampton's, being Jewish, and having a Mini Cooper (yuck!)
  
  The same night on the Rooftop Bar, there was a movie producer or director that bragged about his free tickets to some concert that I wasn't interested in.
  
  
• The Noisemaker's boy friend had a party and his friend (victim of the Nude Prude) was present, but he had another much cuter friend there, that I never met before.
  Actually, I would probably date both/either of them. However, I don't think either of them would go near me after the Nude Prude incident. Don't date me New York!
  
  
• My acquantance has a single friend that he introduced me to a few months ago. We flirted that night that we met and I was sure things would continue somehow, but he never got my number. I saw him again recently and again, there was a lot of flirting BUT he didn't seal the deal. What's up with that?

Ranker, Urban Super Hero, and Butt Bumper

A guy that you just met starts off the conversation with "where do you like to go out in the city?"... In other words, he's a Ranker.

(He's right along side the "I know the best..." guy. You know the type... "I know the best burger place. I know the best place for martinis. I know the best spa for massages."
AND
the Name Dropper guy - "Last week I was at Star Room hanging out with Luke Wilson")

You answer sarcastically, naming every awful place that you can possibly think of and in turn, he lists some terrible places himself BUT the sad thing is that he's being serious... don't date him NY.

***

You're having a recap session of last night's events (a favorite amongst the hungover crowd) where you combine the memory of everyone in order to piece together what actually happened the night before.

One of the guys is telling a story where he makes himself sound like an action hero (with sound effects)...

Then when you're back to civilization (or NYC rather) he sends you a link to a website in order for you to understand the terms he used while telling the aforementioned story... don't date him NY.

***

If a guy dances by rubbing his butt against yours "backing that ass up"... don't date him NY.

Always on the run...

If you've hooked up with someone and he only says hello to you if you have a face-to-face run-in (with unavoidable eye contact)... otherwise pretending that he does not see you while he's standing 2 feet away... scream inside, try not to hate him, and absolutely do NOT date him New York!!!

It feels like every time I think of him, I'll run into him....
but it just might be that I know that I'm going to run into him, which makes me think of him!?!?!?

Boys in Babeland

If you and your friend are in Babeland holding a few vibrating vibrators and a creepy old man tries to make conversation with you (along the lines of "guys need toys too"), don't date him New York!

Mission Impossible???

Some of my very close friends know about my secret mission for this summer...

I am here to report that when it comes to this mission, my summer is not off to a good start.

The trip to Miami didn't even produce a good story, although I had a great time chillaxin with the City Socialites and catching up with some old friends that live down there.

I must admit, this Memorial Day weekend did have some interesting tales...

Friday night got off to an early start down at the Shore where my friend had a theme party for her birthday. It was like college - we played Beer Pong, Flip Cup, and Darts. Lots of fun!!!

The next morning I woke up in a different bed than I went to sleep on and I had no pants on.

Although I have absolutely NO IDEA how this happened, I'm not too worried... because when I do have drunken black outs, I remember if I hooked up with someone (maybe not specific details and surely not conversations leading up to or following the hook up, but definitely the person - at the very least) and I don't. In addition, I was alone in the bed.

Are you thinking that this is what Afterschool Specials are made up of???

As you may imagine, I woke up with a MASSIVE hangover on this confusing Saturday morning, but still managed to make an appearance on the beach.

What can I say - I'm a Trooper!

Then I scheduled to meet up with my buddy that has a share down at the shore too.

Alcohol was not appealing to me, but him and his roommates were heading to a bar by the time I got there. So here we go again.

Did I mention eating anything yet? No. That's because I didn't... and you know what that means???

DRUNK GIRL - 2 drinks and she's down (all pun intended)!!!

This guy, Bad Boy, in my buddy's share asked me if I wanted to leave the bar and get some food with him... BRILLIANT!!!

The saying goes that it's the way to a man's heart, but on Saturday night, the way to this lady's heart (area) was through the stomach.

*** By the way, why is one slice of pizza there as big as my NY coffee table??? It was huge (but I'll get to him later)!!! ***

Having a conversation with Bad Boy reminded me of the hot tub scene with Teddy & Heidi from 8th & Ocean... "You're cute." "I like you." "Do you like me?" "I want to kiss you." "You're really cute."

With the addition of "When I first saw you I knew we would have a connection. Is that bad? I think you and me can be an ITEM when we get back to the city. Is that bad?"

Uhhhhhhhhhh... kill yourself!!!

Inevitably, we went back to the house and made out. I was straight forward with Bad Boy and told him that I was not going any further than that.

He said that he was fine with that... but, of course, a little later as our kissing got intense, he got extremely turned on. Meanwhile, the more he said, the more turned off I was getting.

He told me he had a huge dick (yes, I'll say it...it's too big).

When I would not go there, he persuaded "just the tip" and when I started laughing at him, he joined in and said "I can't believe I just said that!!!!"

Yeah... me neither!!!

To round off the weekend, I got back into the city early and decided to catch a drink after a little.... uhhhh.... window shopping (see Boys in Babeland).

Gold digger told these guys at the bar that I was bilingual and one of them, Green Card, was obsessed with speaking to me. While spit-talking with smelly breath all over us, he drew a map of the native country on an index card (which he had a stack of apparently), numbering the order of which I should visit each area, enticing me to call him so that I can borrow his joke book, and taking out his empty wallet to show me his name on some form of identification.

This was quite the eventful weekend!!!

Next week - the Hamptons.

Tips from some friends...

• There's a platonic male friend that you have for years that invites you to be his date for a social event (Why wouldn't he? You're hot, you dress well, and most importantly, you're a socialite in the making).
  
  You both get trashed and wind up hooking up (Didn't see that one coming, did you?)
  
  The next time you two hang out, he winds up paying, you get tipsy, and you hook up again.
  A few more nights like this and in NY terms, you are now dating.
  
  This isn't a fairy tale... afterall, you know way too much about each other to have a good relationship!!!
  
  Just because he is a great guy as a friend, does not mean he will make a good boy friend or even a good sexual partner.
  
  Surely there are some exceptions to the rule (as there always are) but if you accidently start hooking up with your buddy, don't date him New York!
  
  
• If you are in bed with a lover when suddenly he stands up, folds your clothes, and piles them on your naked body... seconds after you have completed the act, don't date him New York.
  
  
• If he asks (right after he pulls out) "if you were to get pregnant, you would get an abortion, right?"... don't date him New York.

Do I learn from previous mistakes?

One is often posed with the question of whether something was a mistake to learn from...
OR if the particular situation, people involved, and timing made the outcome least optimal.

Last Saturday night was an exceptionally busy one that required planning ahead and strategy.

Party 1: Hedge Fund Guys - Surprise B-day Party for a coworker of the PM (coach in The Boob Crusher post) at a Meatpacking District venue.

Party 2: More Hedge Fund Guys - Gigantic Apartment B-day Party of the Jet Setter's friend - who my friend Gold Digger is currently interested in.

Party 3: Finance & Marketing Guys - Artsy Loft Party for a coworker friend of the aforementioned Gold Digger.

Party 4: Questionable Guys (didn't make it so I'm not sure) - B-day Party for the Aspiring Actress' new J-boyfriend's friend at an Awful Venue in Midtown.

Reasons we needed to go to each and every party:

• An adorable, tall, laid back, and smart foreign coworker of PM (that I made out with & have a crush on) was expected to be at Party 1.
• It was about time that I met the Jet Setter and he very well could have some good friends for me to date at Party 2.
• Party 3 was one that we could go to first, arrive early (before 11:30 PM), and start getting our buzz on.
• Finally, this very tall Jewish guy that I had a slumber party with a few weeks ago could have been at Party 4 and it would have been nice to get the awkward and inevitable running into each other thing out of the way.

Guess what...
I met a guy at the first party we went to - Party 3.

He's tall, older, and dresses well, but he was shy (insecure?)

I could tell he wanted to approach me BUT after his 5th failed attempt of getting the courage, I decided to take matters into my own hands, while my gal pals were having a smoke.

After all, this first encounter would undoubtedly set the precedent man-eater mood for the parties we would attend later on in the evening.

There I was, making something up about juice that I couldn't find and it worked. All he needed was an "in" (a hint that this girl will actually talk to him).

We took up to chatting a bit and then I cut things short when my buddies returned from the cigarette break.

When we were leaving this soiree for Party 1, I said my goodbyes and that's when this gentleman tried to persuade me to stay.

It wasn't happening.... and he just didn't get it! So annoying.

I had to ask him if he wanted my phone number!!! What a disappointment!

Obviously he took it and called me the very same night, but I was already at one of the other functions and so I didn't answer.

It's been a week & I haven't heard from him again.

Should I throw this guy into the same bucket as the Boob Crusher and learn from my mistake?

Are some shy guys okay to date OR are they all insecure with good reason?

If you were wondering - Party 1 was a bummer as the Foreigner didn't show and it was so late by the time we made it to Party 2, that it was pretty much faded out.

The Troll (Another Dreaded Parental Hook-Up)

My father had mentioned that a business associate of his had a son around my age that was single. He gave my father his e-mail address. My father, possibly with previous incident, knew better than to hand out my contact information.

When he told me what little he knew about the guy - all positive of course, I figured - what did I have to lose by e-mailing him. With the new leaf that I've turned recently, in being the one to approach the man, I thought this would be good practice AND if he turned out to be an okay guy - great!

The e-mail I sent from work on a Friday (after consulting with Cut & Dry, an online dating friend of mine, as I'm only a novice at writing an introductory letter), included an okay picture of me and I asked him to send one of himself as well.

Not to sound conceited, but I am quite photogenic most of the time. In fact, sometimes when I see pictures of myself it's hard to believe I can look that good in real life. However, I really sent an average looking picture to this guy.

He immediately responded to my e-mail but I was very busy at work to reply back. By Monday, he had written a second e-mail and attached a picture.

It was atrocious!
He looked like a troll without the hair (receding hairline, big ears, pointy nose, squinty eyes)!

You can imagine that I was not anxious to write back but I finally did a few days later. Keeping it very brief and staying polite. At this point, I was afraid to lead him on any further.

Again, his response came within the hour. Then another e-mail later in the day and another the next day. I hadn't responded to three e-mails before he started asking for my number!!!

This may sound superficial, but I just couldn't give this guy a chance.

Having to come up with the CLOSING letter, I consulted many friends. They offered lots of advice, but finally I settled on some lie about getting serious with a guy that I have been casually dating.

He wrote back!

If your parents are trying to set you up with a guy that they haven't seen and don't have a picture of, don't date him New York!

If a normal looking guy approaches you while you're walking down the street with your friend and says "I would fuck the shit out of you", don't date him NY!

The Boob Crusher (3rd Date Investment)

One night I was out on the town with my male friend (The PM) which already makes the odds of meeting another guy pretty slim hence we went to my favorite place for men - PS450.

We were drinking at the bar and scoping out the people, commenting on appearances and behavior of the young professional crowd. It's pretty amusing to observe really.

That's when I saw a good-looking, well-dressed, 6'3 (my ideal), shy guy standing alone while his friend hit on some girl with bad taste in shoes.

Some time later and half-way into my Very Berry Mojito, PM urged me to approach the bored-looking boy. This is something I don't know much about since they usually come to me and wow does that take courage! PM told me what to say - nothing complex or anything but I was glad that I didn't have to think of anything nonetheless.

We hit it off and exchanged phone numbers. He seemed interested when he called and we immediately set up a date for later on in the week - a good sign from the start.

I think I've turned a new leaf when it comes to being the pursuer... I kind of like it!

After two dates with lots of talking and no physical contact (no kissing - nothing), I knew we had to step it up on date # 3. This guy was a catch - Tall, Good Family, Sound Job, Compatible Religious Background, Solid Private School Education in a Ritzy Community, and we had hours of conversation without a hint of the normal dating interview question & answer session.

I consulted with PM about our dates and he asked me a question that I never thought of before - did you offer to pay? I didn't and I don't think I ever have. I was always told not to and even my male friends have paid for me.

After a major discussion, we decided to survey some people we know on the topic. To my surprise, the majority of people we asked think that the woman should offer to pay even if it's insincere. It's like a test... if he let's the female pay, never date him again! Personally, I don't get it. Why ask a question that you don't want the answer to? But that's another story.

There I am on my way to my 3rd date and in my mind the tests are coming. We went, we talked, I offered, and he actually accepted!!!

I was shocked... but I had to see if there was any physical connection after I panned out the dough (hold on - was I turning into the man in this?)

Finally we went to his place and kissed. It was terrible. Not the kiss itself but everything else. His apartment smelled like B.O. and mildew. He grabbed my boobs so hard that they hurt the next day and everywhere that he touched me felt like probing.

I actually got out of the clasp by claiming that I needed to use the bathroom and giving some lame excuse when I got out. "It's getting late. I think I should go now."

So, if you're at a bar and you see a good-looking guy standing alone, there's probably a great reason for his lack of confidence. Don't date him New York.

The Gypsy Artist (better known as Barcelona)

Let me preface by giving the reason that I'm starting with Barcelona... In a nut shell, he is the only one that I thought I ever loved. When you're done reading this post, I'm sure you'll have doubts of these feelings and maybe even come to your own conclusions about why I am SINGLE!

See Barcelona was a friend of a friend of a friend, which is one of the best ways to meet a guy in this corrupt city - isn't it??? When I speak to happy couples, the most common story they share of meeting is through a friend. Admittingly when a friend introduces me to someone, it almost gives the guy validation... he automatically has one step above any other random guy.
So what if there was a few extensions to my story? It's not like I met him at a bar/club (like the many others).

It was early (before 2:00 PM) on a weekend day when my roommates and I went for brunch at 7A (one of my favorites) dressed in a regular brunch outfit (not-really- trying- to- impress- but- just- in- case- I- run- into- anyone- I- know- on- the- way look). About 3/4s of the way through brunch I realized (with help of a text of "where are we meeting") that I had actually made plans (an uncommon occurrence) with some other friends (The Candid Colorist & Brooklyn) to see an art exhibit on the other side of town (the West side).

There was no time to finish the meal AND go back home to change.

I was off to the art exhibit with the wrong outfit and even worse the wrong hair!!!

Candid had a friend in town from CA and was going to meet him and some friends at an apartment afterwards so me and Brooklyn came along.

Barcelona opened the door and as soon as I saw him there was something there. But the day turned into evening and we didn't have any incredible one-on-one conversation yet.

The group of us ate dinner together and then went for Margaritas & Spanish music at this awful Mexican spot that I really like. Barcelona & I couldn't have sat more far apart from each other if we had tried to... it was looking hopeless.
But when I have my mind set to something or someone, they don't really have a chance... my Margaritas were settling in and the dancing was about to unite us once and for all. We were the only two in our group to hit the floor and the others were ready to leave.

When we all got outside, Brooklyn & I were the only ones heading to the East but Barcelona insisted on walking with us. The dear friend that she is, Brooklyn asked questions that I never would have and then nonchalantly hopped into a cab to head back into the borough.

Finally, we were alone.

It was the most spectacular night and you could actually see stars in the New York City sky. We walked and talked for hours, passing my apartment and walked along the East River walkway. He held my hand, he complimented me in ways that others couldn't fathom, and when he finally kissed me it was like he was in love with me and like we've known each other forever.

I know what you must be thinking but it wasn't all empty conversation about how great I am... that was just bonus.

Among phylosophical conversation, our deep thoughts on life, and the people in it, I learned that this night was his last in town. He had lived in New Jersey, Barcelona, Minnesota, and New York as an artist and the next night he was going back to Barcelona where he would continue to paint.

It was all so romantic and although I can't say that I'm "that type," I was on this perfect night.

For days after meeting him my head was in the clouds and I told everyone that I was in love. When I say everyone it includes my mother, my father, my grandparents, my manicure lady, my bikini wax lady, my coworkers, my friends, a stylist that blow dried my hair, and a few people in between.

Finally, I could try to understand that adage - better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I was happy that I met him even if we wouldn't be together again in the immediate future.

Figuring the time it would take him to settle in, while taking into account my impatience, it took me a week to write a light email to Barcelona - just to give him my contact information and something to let him know that I wanted to stay in touch (without saying it).
What was I thinking? a romance in a foreign country perhaps? a reason to rediscover a place that I spent some good & bad times? I just had to do it.

Now here is the part that you've been waiting for... his response. It went along the lines of "it was great meeting you but now I'm here in Barcelona. Take care."

Oh yes - TAKE CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He might as well have said F U... it would have been better that TAKE CARE.

So here I am left questioning whether it was really love that I felt, whether I would have loved him if he was an artist that was actually staying in NY, and whether I could feel love at all.

If you meet a guy that's leaving town tomorrow and says "take care," don't date him New York!

"and the City"

In a generation of online dating services - whether it be Match, J-date,
E-harmony, and so on, some of us are still hesitant to sign up.

We're the ones who think that meeting someone in real life first (then they can start sending text messages, IMs, & e-mails - but that's another story) is possible.

It's "the story" we're after - the tale that our grandchildren will hear about... our good old days.

So you can only imagine all the different ways we meet these characters!

Quite often my girls and I will sit around (with cocktails in hand) and give the report of how awful (or rarely how great) our latest date was and that's when it hit us... we should write about this!

These stories are too incredible to make up yet they're so unbelievable.

The great thing about my dynamic group of gal pals is that they are not all about having "the story" like I am (some are online dating, some don't think they will have grandchildren, and some just can't tell a story). We all have different ways that we meet guys - through friends, through work, at bars, in the diner, the dreaded parental set-ups. We are attracted to various qualities and we each have unique standards (I guess that's how we CAN stay friends).

In this blog, we will share with you the intricacies of our encounters on the dating scene in NYC. Think "Sex and the City" without so much sex... so I guess its just "and the City".

So welcome and stay tuned for stories like The Gypsy Artist, The Boob Crusher, The Troll, and The F'ed Up Fireman.